Millennials are the WORST: Maybe This Isn’t The End Of The World

The best way to loose faith in humanity and society is to read the comments.

I have a very varied group of people on my facebook. From science nerds, radio casters, music producers, rednecks, old bitties, people who support equal rights for everyone, people who want me to believe Obama was the worst president the US has ever had, activists, haters, arrogant asshats, gentle souls, and independent ladies. Funny enough, I only add people I actually know or knew.

I don’t post much, except to share occasional articles on archaeology or express my dislike for a certain PM who I’m actually worried about naming because of a stupid bill he made. HOWEVER I am on there all the time. LIKE ALL THE TIME. With such a diverse group, I get all sides of the big arguments. Gay marriage. Millennials are the “Worst” (Ahem). Hypocrisy in the Church and government. Native neglect. I could go on.

I often read the comments on these things that get shared. I don’t know why. I know what I’ll see and I know it will depress me in the extreme. Gay marriage for today’s example. I see Christians arguing over who is a REAL christian, and how can you be a REAL christian if you take this side or that side. Doesn’t matter which side, because both sides use the argument. I think they all forgot that there are a lot of different sects of Christianity. I see Atheists jump in and ruin their point by making some rude comment about faith. I’m not Christian. I’m not an atheist. I guess if I needed a label it would be agnostic, because I don’t know.

What I do know however is that you should be kind. And if someone`s life choices aren’t hurting anyone, then it`s not my concern. That is what it should all boil down to. Always. REALLY ask yourself. Is that gay marriage hurting me? I’ve seen some arguments that it devalues the meaning of their own marriage. It really doesn’t, because what you are arguing is semantics. Christianity does not own the concept of marriage. It predates Christianity. If we just changed the word for marriage to something else, to create a differentiation between Christian Marriage and other marriage, a lot of people would stop throwing fits I think. It wouldn’t solve it all, but a lot.

By denying gay couples marriage, you deny them fair rights to government benefits in things like taxes. While Gay Christian couples would probably still want their marriage recognized by their faith, that would be an issue within the church. The issue out here is civic. They are HUMAN rights, not Christian Rights (as an example). It is hard to fully articulate the thought, but its such an obvious one to me that I’m sure I’m not the first it has occurred to. Either way, it doesn’t hurt anyone, so it shouldn’t be such a problem.

And yet, the comments I read are disgusting. Not just on the topic of Gay Marriage either. The comments grown, mature adults make, generalizing a large age grouping, are rude, inconsiderate, degrading, and JUST AS BAD as what I read in Gay Marriage arguments.

I’m not sure how I, a 27 year old with a B.A honours and a Post Grad degree, who is working 2 minimum wage jobs and struggling to support myself, while cursing the minimum wage for going up AGAIN because it ruins all chances of raises at work, and just raises costs of everything else, with a giant OSAP loan and no chance to buy a car, let alone a house, can be lumped in with 16 year old high school students who really don’t need to worry about things yet, and have the time to hang out, take selfies, and enjoy their youth like they are supposed to do. We are very different people.

All it takes is one bad apple, and the elder generations jump on all of us. We are lazy, self entitled, stay at home lounge-abouts. Did I mention I have 2 jobs? I know a lot of people my age with 2 jobs. It makes me wonder just how accurate job statistics are. So 100,000 new jobs in the month of whatever…. how many were taken as second or THIRD jobs by people who were already working? The fact that I can work 2 jobs and still not make enough that the National Student Loan people assume I’m too poor to give them their money, and the government pays my interest, is a ridiculous situation.

I repeat: The government that wants my money, will not take it, because I AM TOO POOR EVEN WORKING TWO JOBS.

I must be so lazy. How dare I expect to support myself. How dare I rely on family because I can’t. Millennials are the worst.

I got to thinking on this because it is utterly untrue. Yesterday, for a change, when I read the comments I felt hope.

Call Me Caitlyn. Can you believe it? Formally Bruce Jenner of the Kardashian Empire. Kim K and her sisters get a LOT of hate. Which is normal I guess, for celebrities. It’s the natural state of hate that appears in the comments almost everywhere. Except, not on this.

Now I didn’t click on any articles like the TO star and read the comments. I’m sure there was hate there too. But that’s also the arena of the older generations. The place where they tend to express their disgust with people like me. I got all I needed from Twitter. From reading the replies. From the Hashtags. From the Trending. From the wave of hate that unsuspecting Drake Bell received. Twitter, for better or worse, is the medium the despicable Millennials (like me) use for their news and their connections to the world around them.

On the whole, even the folks that kinda hate Kim K and her family, showed overwhelming support for Caitlyn. So accepting. So okay with it. So understanding of the whole concept that if it isn’t hurting anyone, it isn’t your concern. When Drake Bell made his stupid comment, he got hate. Because he tried to deny someone their identity, when it wasn’t hurting him. He proved himself to be a bit of a bigot, and the MILLENNIALS jumped on him for it. They made it clear that bigotry is not okay anymore. It exists certainly, but I have this new feeling. A hope that MY generation, including these silly high school kids who are rightly or wrongly fighting over school dress codes, will teach their own children that bigotry in any form is not okay. Because it hurts people.

And that their children will teach the same.

And that one day all the bigots will be flushed out of society. Died of old age and old ways.

For once, I am proud to lump myself in with the Millennials.

Advertisements

So tired, so sleepy

I’m currently working full time hours at one of my jobs, even though I’m still part time. Just until someone comes back from their vacation. It sure would be swell if it was permanent so I could quit working two jobs and just do one.

Been watching a LOT of Ghost Adventures. I like it. Ooooh.

Some good stuff.

Tonight though, I’m Just super tired. I forgot both my breakfast and my snack at home, so all I had to eat all day was a microwave lean cuisine dinner. I got a huge slice of pizza on the way home, only to find home made pizza leftover from my family’s dinner. I ate it all. There was so much cheese on the one I brought, it was incredible.

Basically, I’m blogging this because I doodled a picture, and wanted to post it, but not on my normal social media accounts. So tah dahhhhhh:

doodle

Review: Fool Moon

Fool Moon
Fool Moon by Jim Butcher
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A good sequel to the first book, Fool Moon keeps a good pace going by adding in some new world expanding plot line. This time its the werewolves that are the problem. It turns out that the different names for werewolves mean different types/breeds/species of them.

Harry Dresden keeps up the self-depreciating humour while getting the utter crap beat out of him again and again. I had a bit of a hard time figuring out the bad guy, which was good, but I was also getting frustrated by all the secrets that made the situations worse.

The book was a quick read, with interesting lore, and a good installment for the series. I’ll definitely continue reading. Still a good series for supernatural crime along the lines of Sandman Slim, and the TV show Supernatural.

View all my reviews

Sunshine makes life better

I wrote about my migraines previously, so I thought I would give a bit of an update, as things are a bit better.

An acquaintance I have on Facebook posted about a magnetic necklace helping her migraines, so I gave it a shot. It really did seem to help. It might also have been in part that I have been able to get out and exercise in the fresh air. I’ve also been paying attention to my riboflavin in-take. I had been doing that by drinking the Carnation Instant breakfast drinks which have a ton, but stopped when I moved into the current house because there was no room in the fridge for my skim milk in a house full of lactose digest-ers. There is now room, and my pee is a consistent shade of highlighter like it should be (according to the doctor, I’d know If I forgot my riboflavin this way haha). I’ve taken off the necklace because I got tired of feeling like I was collared, but still wear it often, especially if the weather is unstable.

I think in many ways its the sun that is helping. It has elevated my mood, helped clear up my skin, and probably done some other things I haven’t noticed. I still get weather migraines, and the thunderstorms are annoyingly frequent and changing, but they are expected. I’ve also been eating more of what I choose instead of what is made for dinner for the family, since I’m often at work around dinner time.

As for stress, I have been hanging out in my bedroom reading for about a month. I have great lighting in here (as any migraine sufferer would ensure) and a good temperature. I think this has helped me forget room mate/house stress and let me get back to doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I just wish my TV was in here.

In other news, I will be going to Alaska in a couple weeks for an archaeological dig. This is great because it is relevant to my degree/career aspirations, I will get lots more exercise (I’m still not getting enough according to the bathroom scale), and get a break from my life here to make some friends.

There was a blip in that the program lost funding and so was shortened, and I had to deal with changing flights, but I decided to use the new time off to visit my mom in Arkansas for a couple weeks before coming home. All in all its pretty expensive even though all I’m paying is airfare. They’re going to try to cover the fee for the change, but I have a bad feeling I won’t be getting a receipt like I asked for. I will make it work though, even if I’m not reimbursed  for the fee.

I had a horrible feeling last week that something bad was going to happen, and in less than a couple days, my cousin and ride to the airport broke her foot (was the left though), my aunt was in a collision with that cousin’s car, my mom’s cat died, and I found out about the funding loss. Surprisingly I felt pretty good though. I guess it just feels wrong when things go too easily. However, now that it is all under control again, The bad feeling is back. My cousin can still drive (its just a fracture and she has a below-the-knee cast on her non-driving foot, her insurance covers a rental (in case her car isn’t fixed in time), My aunt is okay just feeling guilty/upset, my mother is happy I’m coming, and the cost of all the changes amounts to two separate trips (one to Alaska, and one to Arkansas) so the cost isn’t unreasonable. While it sucks to use so much of my savings, I’ve realized I won’t be able to afford a car and rent, so I will have to choose which I’m going to want in the future, so I see no reason not to use my current savings sparingly to make my life happier.

 

And after all that bad luck, I bought a scratch ticket and won $15. I would have liked more, but I’ll take what I can get haha.

 

 

PS. RE: comments on the last post about my migraines – Because I was writing while having a migraine, I did leave out some details that were asked about. I do try to still use the homeopathic remedies, but in more convenient ways (like in vitamin enriched drinks). I have spoken to doctor’s about prescriptions, but we decided that they were not the best way to go for me due to cost and lack of significant benefits over regular pain relievers, having tried amerge and finding it left me with everything but the pain and still required advil. The biggest factors are stress and weather, neither of which can be stopped. The sunlight and good things going on this summer, as well as the reduced migraines, have over all improved my outlook as well.

My Life as a Human Migraine

“I’m not avoiding you, I really do have a headache”

 

This is my life, which has been conquered by migraines.

I have always gotten migraines, for as long as I can remember. I know I had them as a child, but I can’t remember specific events (not surprising). I would often sit at the dinner table refusing to eat certain foods that I “didn’t like”, to the point of tears and bedtime. I was never sorry for not eating these things either. I found out as an adult that it was because I could tell they were going to give me a migraine.

I don’t know how to explain it, but it was sort of by smell. Cream corn does not smell good to me, and when its in front of my face and I breath it in, I get a weird feeling in that space between my mouth and my brain, but behind my sinuses if that makes any sense. It didn’t matter how much my mom yelled at me to eat (she was actually quite scared about my diet) or how long I had to sit there, I would absolutely not eat it. Same with pork and beans, and a few other foods.

As an adult I researched migraine triggers so that I could better avoid them, and that’s when I found out that a lot of canned food, especially overly processed, causes migraines. It has something to do with a chemical they contain. For example cream corn would be the death of me (so to speak), but I LOVE corn on the cob, frozen corn, etc. so long as it is not processed. The thing I find most amazing is that I didn’t know what that weird feeling was about, and objectively cream corn tastes okay, but somehow I knew not to eat it. For this reason, I tend to pay attention to my sense of smell when it comes to food.

The migraines I do remember are the ones I got in high school. Even so I don’t remember the pain or much more than flashes of ice packs. What stands out are the ones that left me passed out on the bathroom floor. In high school I had the most severe migraines of my life, with the most frequency. They would be so bad, that I couldn’t open my eyes, I could barely walk, and I would throw up. My mom would try to give me gravol, but it was always this ridiculous “cherry” flavored chewable one that made the migraine worse (because of the fake cherry scent/flavor, which I also didn’t figure out until I was an adult). Almost every single time my mother gave me this gravol, I would immediately throw up. This confused my mom, and I remember her frustratingly telling me that wasn’t how gravol was supposed to work. Hugging the toilet can be unpleasant enough, but I can not think of anything I’ve experienced that is worse than retching with a migraine and an empty stomach.

The muscles in your neck and face tense up when you’re sick, which I never noticed until it happened while those same areas where pounding with a stabbing, deep pain. Add to it a sensitivity to smell as well, and the entire experience is indescribable. The only light was that I knew once my stomach settled the worst was over. My mom would bring me water and new pain pills, and I would sleep on the cold tile against the bathtub, using her clothes from the previous night’s bath as a pillow. The cold felt good, and my mom’s scent was comforting, and I realize as I write this that she never once disturbed me so she could pee even though it was the only washroom in our apartment. Eventually I would get up, sometimes hours later and move to my bed.

These migraines were no doubt caused in part by hormones, because they were never so bad before puberty, and I have not thrown up from one since I began taking birth control (partially for the migraines). I am actually somewhat scared of these migraines returning if I ever go off my prescription. Its hard to convey just how bad they were, because I can tell you they were horribly painful, but you will never understand my interpretation of the pain.

I have had a fractured knee and other broken bones, pulled most of the muscles in my torso, and had a deadly infection in my hand, but none of them compared to the pain I felt during those migraines in high school. Since then, my migraines have lessened in severity, but increased in frequency. I’ve noted all my triggers, but you can not always avoid stress, especially when it comes emotionally. There is nothing I can do about the weather. I have eliminated all the foods that give me migraines, I don’t drink anymore, I manage my time and even include extra time/fail-safes in case I get a migraine. I have evened out my sleep schedule, and maintain as much of a routine as I can. I maintain a steady level of caffeine, as too much will give me a migraine, but too little will cause withdrawal and migraines anyway. Even so, they pop up all the time.

Generally I get level 1 to 3 migraines a couple times a week. These are migraines that I try to ignore and don’t require taking pain killers as I’ve grown to tolerate them. The less tylenol/advil/aspirin I take, the happier my organs will be. I’ve gotten so used to level 1 migraines, that sometimes I ignore it before I realize its there. Someone might ask me how my head is, and I will realize I’ve had one just sitting there beyond my notice. Level 3 pain causes me to debate taking something for it. I will generally get a level 4 to 6 migraine every 2 weeks, give or take and depending on the weather. These are migraines I will take something for, and that will be that.

I get level 7 to 10 migraines maybe once a month. These migraines won’t go away without a max dose of two compatible pain killers which I have discussed with my doctor, such as advil and tylenol, or tylenol and aspirin (Never advil and aspirin, its unsafe), and secluding myself with an ice pack in the dark. These suck, because that means no computer, phone, books, puzzles, or anything that you can’t do in the dark. I haven’t found anything to do except sleep so far. Even so, these migraines will not go away half the time. I’m currently heading into day 4 of this migraine, which has required and ice pack for the first 2 days, and is still sitting in my temple and messing with my eyes.

Aside from the pain, I get sensitivity to light, sound, smell, and even touch, dizziness, sometimes trouble speaking depending on which side of my head the migraine is situated, nausea, sinus pain, and my jaw and neck tense up. Sometimes, I can’t even handle the tiny red lights on electronics when they’re off. Its not unusual to find cardboard taped to cover them, or any place where there is a light source. Sometimes I need it to be so dark that I can’t see my hand in front of my face. I need to be bundled in a blanket for warmth, but the coldest possible ice pack on my head, no cloth in between. Sometimes fresh air helps, but sometimes it makes it worse and is a hit or miss solution.

I kept a migraine diary for a year and took it to a doctor to discuss. To my utter and endless frustration, the discussion was basically “Yes, I see you get migraines, know your triggers, and there is nothing more I can do except suggest unproven homeopathy remedies”.  The doctor noted the frequent sinus pain, and gave me an nasal antihistamine to help keep my sinuses clear, because maybe it would help. She gave me a one month trial free, it did nothing (except relieve my allergies).  Another different doctor told me to take 400 milligrams of b2 (riboflavin) to see if it would help. It tasted like dandelions, and I didn’t notice any difference. At least it made sense though, as riboflavin is related to the blood stream and flow, which is believed to be related to the cause of migraines (increased flow, or size of the blood cells, they actually still don’t know). So while I don’t bother with the pills anymore, I do look for ways to include it in my diet (protein drinks and some breakfast replacements have tons). I was also told to take fever few, because someone did a study and thinks it might help. I haven’t bothered though, to be honest.

The doctor I took my diary to also noticed I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders, and suggested massage therapy. I didn’t do this either, but not because I didn’t think it would help. For one, it isn’t covered by OHIP, and who knows how often I would have to go for it to be effective. If I’m having weekly migraines, would I need to get a massage every week? That’s beyond my price range. The most significant reason however, is that I don’t liked to be touched. I’m fine with doctors poking me, and with family and close friends (and people I’m attracted to) being in my space. I’m not going to flip out on a crowded bus, but I don’t like it. The thought of someone I don’t know putting their hands on me stresses me out enough to give me a migraine. Coincidentally, my shoulders are an area where I’m not even very comfortable with those close to me touching. I don’t know if I tense up because of contact, or if I don’t like contact because I’m tense. I figure its like a wounded animal: it hurts, so like hell they’re going to let you poke it. I keep intending to buy an at home massage thing (appliance? what?), but it’s never on my mind when I’m out, or I can’t justify the expense. But I know my shoulders are an issue simply by the popping sounds they make as they loosen up on the rare occasion that everything is lovely.

I’ve chosen to blog about my migraines because lately I feel like they are wearing on my sanity. Mental health has been a big topic lately in the news and on social media, and it got me assessing my own. Do I need to speak to someone, or am I mentally healthy and dealing with my migraines in the best way possible? The hardest part is that I am in pain on a regular basis, in my head of all places, and there is nothing anyone can do. This is so utterly unfair, and my migraines have taken over my life in ways that I never expected. I don’t go out with friends much, because if the plans are too complicated, or the weather is bad, I will get a migraine. After cancelling plans so many times with the excuse of “I have a migraine”, people stop believing you, assume you just don’t want to make the effort, and stop inviting you. I am now in the position where I have a lot of friends, but no best friend, and no one to make any plans with (in part because after university everyone lives far away). Generally I have always made up for this by making my roommates my best friends, but now I live back home with family and it doesn’t work the same.

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep on dealing with my migraines forever. I suspect right now part of the problem may be my life situation, as I’ve just finished university, but haven’t been able to start my life yet (no related job, and I can’t even afford to live on my own) and am lacking in good exercise (winter is just ending). However, if it keeps on as it is, I think it will start to wear me down into a miserable, angry person, and I don’t like to think of what might come after. Its particularly bad right now, having had a migraine for 3 straight days, and my mood is in the hopeless gutter. It actually blows my mind how unfair it is that there are people out there who don’t get migraines at all, or rarely, and here I am living day to day, making plans based on if my head hurts today or not. It strikes me that this is not okay. This is not a healthy state. But the doctors can’t fix it, so what more can I do.

 

Lies My School Told Me

So I have this blog, but only post stupid things. I figure I might actually include some substance.

I’ve been pretty bored lately, having just finished a post-grad program and moved back home. That’s because I can’t seem to find a job! I did find one at Stokes, a retail store specializing in kitchen and housewares, thanks to my aunt being bffs with the manager. I got the job because I was more than qualified, having over 4 years in retail in addition to my unrelated B.A in archaeology and the PG Certificate in Culture and Heritage Site Management. The problem I was having was getting noticed, which is the problem my aunt solved for me. The problem is that it is retail, and while I really enjoy the job and the people, its not making use of my education. 

 

In University, they don’t tell you “there’s tonnnnnnnnns of jobs out there for you”. They just fill your head with as much information as they can. And they did. I took 5 years to do my B.A (honours) in Archaeology, and truthfully the actual learning to conduct archaeology was about 2 days worth of instruction on field school. The rest of the 5 years was just learning things about past cultures, complex societies, timelines, some fun lab work involving cataloging and identification, and at one point the complete processing of a duck carcass. I thoroughly enjoyed the full 5 years, even when the work load was overbearing. 

 

At College, they told me “don’t worry, there are soooo many jobs out there for you”. And that’s about it. I’m sure I learned some things, but I can’t think of what they were. I better understand bookkeeping, but that’s not much and I probably won’t need it. I went to the classes that told me nothing I didn’t already know, and I did my placement where I learned that what was being said in class is what is being said in the sector. But basically the whole program could be summed up as:

  • funding is a huge issue, and therefore non-profits don’t have a lot of staff
  • conservation guidelines are important, but not always met
  • visitors and volunteers are paramount, but hard to attract
  • Social media and the internet are going to be more important going forward
  • some college profs aren’t actually qualified to teach anything, and shouldn’t even be allowed in a classroom

I didn’t even go to the convocation for the PG because the whole thing was a joke. My classmates and I have all been searching for jobs since before the end of the program, and its not looking great. Some people have gotten jobs, and that’s fantastic. 

I moved to Kingston, because that’s home, and it is a huge player in the Arts/culture/heritage sector. Since March, there have been 3 job postings here. One was through Young Canada Works for recent graduates and was an internship at the Museum of Medical History. I thought it was weird that I had never heard of them despite growing up here, but whatever. I found the posting on CHIN, but when I checked YCW, there were zero results for Kingston (Good job government). I applied anyway, and surprise, I wasn’t even acknowledged. 

The next job posting I went after was only sort of related, but perfect for me. It was a Camp Leader for the Cataraqui Archaeological Research Foundation’s Can You Dig It summer camp. I am an (unemployed) archaeologist, and the CARF is also part museum. I applied, I was acknowledged, then informed they had to cancel the camp. This was in mid-April. A week ago (ish) the entire organization closed down. Balls. They had been my aim for the entire PG program.

The 3rd posting was for the Kingston Arts Council, doing basically what I did at my placement and as part of my role in our program’s symposium. Again perfect. I went to the social services office near my house and tried to get some help with resumes and cover letters. I didn’t get it. Instead I was told to make my resume into some barely there thing more suitable to retail, where employers don’t care about anything other than if you are competent. The woman who was helping me asked what the job title was for the job I was looking for, which immediately told me she had no idea what she was doing with me. With so few staff and resources, there are no real job titles. The people who are hiring have to make it up, which means there is no one title. As an example, the KAC was looking for someone to work their social media, maintain contacts and mail lists, and help compose their newsletters, so a mixture of community outreach and regular office work and they called it “Office Administrator”. I applied anyway, and when I heard nothing back I assumed I wasn’t picked for an interview. Then I received an email that they were restructuring to fill the position internally. 

 

So where am I at?

I have no idea what my competition is in Kingston, as I have yet to actually have to compete. I’m not even entirely certain my resume is good enough, despite spending days on it with my placement supervisor. And there aren’t enough jobs or funding as is evident for the lack of actual hiring being done by these organizations. 

 

The real kick in the pants is this: There are plenty of Archaeology jobs. I was even contacted for one in London, but because I didn’t have my own car at the time, it didn’t pan out. The problem I’m having with them, is that they require me to relocate, which would be fine, except my dad is dying and my brother has just had his first child, so I feel pretty obligated to take a break from being out of touch and spend some time with them. I don’t really want my niece to be scared of me when she sees me, and despite my issues with my dad, I am sucking it up and playing the nice daughter he wishes he had for that last bit before the end. 

So I’m sitting here, reading my zombie horror books and drinking too much coffee, looking for job postings, and hoping something turns up soon, so that I can get on buying my own car and paying of the incredible amount of student debt I have. 

 

On the bright side, the stress fat I gained in school is finally disappearing. Now I just have to get rid of the other “away at school and lazy” fat. I suppose it’s ironic that my current situation is less stressful, but it’s true.